Here is the poem in its full length, thanks again to S who wrote it in the first place!
A Stranger in the Land of Confusion
I was wandering around the Land of Confusion,
marvelling at the Devonian intrusion,
when I bumped into troll
trying to roll
a boulder onto the top of a knoll.
"Why are you doing that you mischievous imp?"
I asked the creature dressed in pink.
"I'm creating a problem" he said
with unrestrained glee
"I'm going to be-muddle, and fuddle,
brain-tease, if you please,
someone who does things with too much ease."
"Oh, a geologist" I said,
being quite certain,
of the type of person
to scratch their head
and turn in bed
over a rock so puzzlingly positioned
"Their interpretation of striations, will seem amiss
with the pattern of boulders and glacial drift"
"You silly person" the troll remarked,
"it's a prank for a Frank
who is way too smart,
to be involved in that quasi-scientific lark"
the troll trundled on, and told his tale:
'Last spring I was swimming in my swampy pond,
when I heard a rustle amongst the fronds.
On the edge of my fen a person was chopping
my favourite ferns without ever stopping!
He was stealing my fiddleheads,
that fiendish Frank,
he took all my fiddleheads from the east bank.
"Stop that you thief!" I yelled at the figure
not caring much that he was so much bigger.
He looked surprised and drew a blank,
to see me yelling from the edge of the bank.
...He then accused me of playing a prank!
"I assure you these fiddleheads are all mine,
and don't try to fool me, I know your kind:
trolls are tricky and come from Trondheim"
"You are a prejudiced, presumptuous person I think!
Like everyone else you think trolls stink;
that we're troublesome troglodytes related to minks.
Well, I'll tell you something, we move a lot,
and what you are stealing is on my plot
If you're so clever I'll give you a chance,
If you can solve the problem, I'll give you the lot:
How much longer is my hair wet that dry?"
(a really tough problem I didn't think he'd try)
He sat down on a boulder,
and his eyes began to smoulder
"The hair of a troll contains creatine,
and large a mounts of arginine.
If they're arranged on a chain,
in random positions,
then when in solute,
I can compute,
the probability of transition
of the chains' mean positions."
He scribbled something down on a paper towel.
And then he promptly pulled out a trowel.
"Here I've solved it! look here here you go,
this is how much your hair will grow!
I'm going to take the fiddleheads now"
he said politely as he took a bow.
I looked and what he'd written,
and was smitten...
it was all in Greek;
I didn't understand a word written by that freak.
"Hold on a second" I had to bark
"One more bet please, that riddle was a lark.
Here is a real problem, I'll give you three weeks,
and if you're efficient I'll give you some leeks."
I gave him a problem I thought needed integration by parts,
he solved it through integration of hearts:
He came back a week later with a dashing blonde, lanky and lean,
and and look on his face that was really quite keen.
"Do you have more problems that are that much fun?
I certainly enjoyed that one a whole tonne!"
Of course I was miffed and of course I was mean
This young man was far too keen.
"Go climb that rock, it's really quite fun,
especially if you do it with the setting sun."
The rock was big, and I thought quite smooth,
No way I could climb it is the undoubted truth.
But he clambered up it
(he must have sticky feet)
and when he reached the top he said
"Sweet!"
"An now that he's taken my fiddleheads and leeks
I'm preparing for him to come back next week.
He's obsessed with climbing all the boulders around
and he'll climb anything off the ground.
He hasn't been challenged, he needs to be taught:
He may know physics, but he shall see
that no-one can always overcome g.
But if he succeeds then I'll give him a curse
one that'll never be fixed by a nurse.
I'll cause him nocturnal dysfunctiony
a form of late evening narcolepsy,
that'll require approximately 10 cups of coffee!"
when the troll finished recounting I said:
"Your story's disjoint, and makes no sense,
plus it's completely out of tense.
I know you're a liar full of ire,
But your story has grains of truth"
Who was his victim?
I'm sure you all know..
The affliction real,
of that there's no doubt.
It's certainly something we've teased him about.
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